Written: September 12, 2024
Words: 496
At noon you'll find me at the back of the restaurant, leaning against the wall. I think of Anna, and everything that she is. I think of when we kissed last January after everyone left. She laughed a lot that day, and it became my favorite sound.
"I hate the winter," she'd said.
"It forces me to slow down."
"Oh," I said, thinking over what I wanted to say.
"That's a good thing though. Why should you rush through life?"
I don't think she wanted to kiss me then; my words a little too generic.
"I'm not the type to slow down."
Anna's voice will break the silence. I wait, hands sliding into my coat pockets. After a few minutes I hear her footfalls against the concrete.
"My sweet back-building dweller," She says with a smirk.
"Troll is more accurate."
She laughs, familiar with my dry humor. The sound threads through my chest and I move closer. She closes the gigantic gap between our bodies, nudging me with her hip.
"Can I steal a little kiss?"
The cold makes her words sound crystal clear.
I smile, pulling her in by the hips. We haven't slept together yet, but I want us to. The thing is, I don't know what will happen, if she wants to make that leap or go back to how things were. She might want to forget me, and I'll have to keep remembering things, and I can't do that. Kisses don't mean anything, even the stolen kind, and I don't know if she's pushing me away.
"What would happen if you did slow down?"
She took my hand and her lips were on mine, kissing me senseless.
"You don't want to know," she said after, voice and eyes full of mirth.
She pressed a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth.
We're kissing again, and I give her everything. I don't ask her to stay. The uncertainty of where we're headed aches everywhere except my heart, where I don't want to feel it. It's embedded into my bones and I don't think I can keep standing.
I do want to know, Anna. I want to love you, I want to just love you. Her tongue slides against mine and I ride her knee, and maybe it'll end here. I don't hate the winter. I hate how life can be cold and strip you of love once you've found it.
The backdoor doesn't open and no one catches us. No one would do anything even if they did. Anna has power over them, but won't always have it over me. I could find another job.
The funny thing is, we'd still be connected no matter where I went. People have a way of shaping your life. Most don't care, but Anna does. I don't know if what she's giving me is love. All I know is she's at the back of her restaurant with me and its January again.